Tomorrow I will be spending the day in prayer for you…reclaiming this day as: Holy Innocents Day.
You were conceived, wombed, pushed into the Seen…one-d with your mama…you, her…she, you. You felt her feelings, you reacted to your environment as she reacted. If she thought the sky was green, you thought the sky was green. When angry eyes projected pain onto you, you became pain. When eyes didn’t look at you, you were unseen. When ears didn’t hear you, you became silent.
For eighteen months there is no separation between you and your mama.
There was no you, from your point of view…only you-mama. You were entirely mirrored in your mama’s eyes…what her eyes told you about yourself, you believed and became. You didn’t see, hear or think about life…you experienced life in your body. You had no words, no understanding of life, of you, of mama.*
Hell is the deep darkness within this unified space of no language, no understanding. Eyes lying, responses deceiving, creating un-you, in the likeness and image of your wounded mama…a face turned away in pain: Shame, Fear, Rejection, Guilt, Blame, Anxiety.
You alone…dying a thousand deaths each moment your mama wasn’t with you face-to-face…wasn’t engage with you, wasn’t nurturing, wasn’t soothing, wasn’t nourishing…enough.
Hell is this unsafe, alone place…where mama is not…you’re on your own. Life is a house of terror…living is all about survival.
In this place you will find your True Mama, your Amma (if you will but look deeply through)…indeed She is The Place of unity,
causing you to attach,
enlightening your conscious,
interpreting and explaining,
speaking Word into your voice,
Eye to eye,
Face to face…
creating through right mirroring, healing your wounds, the wounds of your mama, engaged, nurturing, soothing, nourishing.
More than Enough.
The Holy Spirit, Amma, is the Womb you were conceived in…She is one-d with you…gently carrying you into The Seen.
Be still…feel Her in your body.
Breathe…with open eyes to see…Love gazing into you; you are mirrored in Amma’s Eyes: Beauty, Truth, Joy…for you, with you, over you.
You have never been, will never be, separated from Amma. This place of beginnings is Amma, safe…a place to explore, quest, discover, live…
Today, this day, may you find a picture of yourself during your first year.
Tomorrow, all day, may you gaze into the face of you
A holy innocent
Seeing this little one
As Amma sees you…
Speaking kind, gentle words of blessing
Affirming you, accepting you
Receiving True Mothering
From your Amma.
As I pray for you to see Amma’s Face. So be it.
*From Everything Belongs by Richard Rohr